I am chaos.
Spinning out of control.
Like a hurricane, I pick everything up and throw them everywhere.
No regards for the circumstances.
No time for the aftermath.
By passing any alternative.
Paralyzing any deep conversation.
No use trying to reach me.
I will crack the path you walk on.
Pills and potions- I’m a real life addiction.
Impossible to pull away.
When I’m done with you I move on.
Causing chaos in someone else’s life.
The road that had always lead us under
It always made me surrender
These moves are charging me as a public offender
I would be on the other side as the defender
There’s no need to crawl back on the bed
There’s no need to fight what was said
You can blow the fuse inside my head
Lit the fire inside me when you put the lights red
My body’s temperature is burning like thunder
My eyes are sending lightning like thunder
My lips are electrified like thunder
My voice is rumbling like thunder
Come let me show you the rain
Come let me take away the pain
Come let me show you how to gain
Come let me show inside my reign
That pure, sensitive feeling i used to have inside.
Has day by day convert itself into a misery i can’t hide.
There’s not even a glimpse of what was.
Am i cursed to have suffered so much pain and agony?
Hearing your voice used to be so soothing.
It brought comfort and warmth to my heart.
You used to make me see that you will never let nothing and nobody hurt me.
The irony of the story is now i see the person that hurt me the deepest is you.
I lost my self confidence, my integrity and my self respect along the way.
So many days and nights i spent crying and asking, what did i do wrong?
Why couldn’t i see this coming?
Your name gives me a sense of distress.
I can’t imagine myself with you.
The person I love the deepest has become the person i am learning to hate
But it is still difficult to turn off the button completely
My body and heart are drain out of any feelings and understanding.
I can honestly say now that i am not loved.
Wishing that you could see the love in me.
Only God knows how much i need love, trust, respect, understanding and acceptance.
You took so much from me and i asked for so little.
I should’ve had the courage to not let things go this far.
Believe it or not, i am not a quitter but in this case i need to see me first.
This is not suppose to be like this
I was not suppose to feel like this
With one click, my life opened up to a new future
I needed to find myself some closure
I am here you there but our connection is undeniable
I need to know that this is reliable
We can’t wait to put these feelings into actions
As the days, months are passing by with no interaction
Past can hurt while the present brings comfort
While this is new and refreshing, can we make the effort?
You are my warrior and my soldier bear king
As i am your savior and safe haven
Ain’t scare to let you lead me through your heart
Just know that from the day we together ain’t never going to be apart.
I will keep this feelings in a safe place
Where i can always be surprised by its treasure
An empty room
For empty wishes
Why celebrate life
If isn’t brand new
An empty tree
With lifeless presents
24 nights had shaded to blue
A heart full of ache
A pile of debt from my mistakes
A beautiful seed from a dying tree
To escape from responsibilities
Childhood was a beautiful dream
Adulthood is an intense reality
she didn’t know she was just a summer fling
she thought one day she would get a ring
he forgot to mention she was not the supposedly wifey type
she was getting hyped of the idea of loving you
and you just swiped her away
didn’t care who would wipe her tears away
it wouldn’t be a problem
if you were straight up
but you told her what you thought she wanted to hear
instead of being real
incapable of being real
so, you spit your game until she got near
looked her in the eyes
told her straight up lies
she is not upset because she lost you
who are you?
she is upset at the lies
the wasted time
she is not upset that you’re gone
who are you?
she is upset at the time that’s gone
you wasted her time
you wasted her time
she is a natural loner
she don’t mind being lonely
and you took her out her peacetime
just to waste her time
I’ve always had two sides of me.
One is a saint.
One might be a little too freaky.
Like white vs. black paint.
I prefer to evaluate my next step.
She refuses to wait.
I take care of my state.
Keep up with both of us whole heartedly.
She has too much on her plate.
She’s too selfish but still only love herself partially.
That always makes me mad.
I still have to live with her.
She’ll always be the side I’d never prefer.
If I were to die today
You would probably have a million regrets
Wondering why you weren’t nice to me
Telling everyone what a good person I was
But is that how you really feel now?
While I am alive?
The guilt of not appreciating me while you had me
If I got married today
You would probably congratulate me
But would be secretly hating
Because you don’t want me
But you don’t want to see me with anyone else
If I ran away today
Would you search for me?
Would you even notice?
The fear of forever losing me
But not currently wanting me
If I forgot you today
Would you be hurt?
Would you go numb?
When you realize what you did not appreciate
It will be too late to feel anything at all
Can you cover the lies better next time?
I can still see the lipstick stain on your shirt collar from the kisses she planted on your neck.
You have the audacity to tell me
You’re forgetting what I specialize in.
The art of make up!
Maybe this is cause for a breakup.
But you know what?
This is a warning.
I’ll hit the spa. That should be calming.
There shouldn’t be a next time.
But if you decide to, get a pen, I’ll prepare the dotted line.
I’m worth more than just a pussy to play with.
And if you happen to forget that again.
Pack your bags and find somewhere else to play that game.
To be invisible……Has always been a fear of mine, what if he cannot see me, what if he cannot feel me, what if I part without leaving so much as a mark in this world…so many what if’s, so much to wonder. Some days I see a start, a future, I aspire, I dream while awake, I smile at what could be but is not, I imagine, I allow my mind to mold, alter, and shape the truth, not erase, but reshape so that it fits me, I look behind me only when what’s in front of me is too painful to look at. My heart can say maybe one day, and my thoughts agree, I can split myself into as many as needed for goals I yearn to reach…..but then…..there’s days when the future lies at the end of a never ending tunnel, and I only aspire to survive the day, is the definition of surviving to live or die, I awake in a nightmare and dream of awaking, I long for what should be but cannot, reality pulls me…
On which side I stand is unclear, on one side love is a pastime for fools with no courage to accept their fate, to accept that maybe they are destined to be alone, a crutch for the weak,
Then on the other side love is a sign, a sign that there is something greater to live for, something harder to work for, a challenge left for the strong, a riddle for the wise and a guide for the blind.
Something something behind your eyes pulls me in a swirling tornado of mystery with treasures untouched and unknown to me are you a fantasy created from fallacies of what others say you should be
or Journey tailored only for me exposing my inner sea of waking my conscious energy unlocking different levels of ecstasy that the eyes can’t believe and only the heart can see my eyes are bright with a dash of fright with a childlike wonder and passion as thunder let’s both go under and see what we find in abstract live let’s touch our divine take our time what were creative is love felt not defined love free transcending time never confined never confined.